tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7646088342948349502012-02-16T21:22:23.317-06:00A journey through the mind of an adult survivor of childhood abuse in poetry and prose. All content here based is on my personal experience.SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comBlogger151100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-60021568286581869222011-03-06T10:22:00.003-06:002011-03-06T10:26:04.887-06:00

What stands between my night and day,My Jekyll and Hyde,My technicolor and black & white,My dreams and nightmares,My revelry and mere existence.Time to swallow.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-58546117305340968182009-11-22T18:07:00.004-06:002009-11-22T18:22:15.581-06:00

I thought most people, even some bullying peers, could grow up and move on. Evidently, that's not the case.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-45159281895806100982009-11-21T10:37:00.002-06:002009-11-21T10:46:11.648-06:00

The time since my last post has been crazy, but productive in terms of my recovery. I've got a psychiatrist and psychologist I'm seeing regularly, both o whom were very highly recommended. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder - Recurring, and Social Phobia. I'm also on an anti-depressant. Zoloft, to be exact.I have to admit that at first I wasn't too

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-16585527226318424952009-09-20T00:11:00.002-05:002009-09-20T00:50:53.366-05:00

Dear Raging Bitch,It's been at least a month since I last talked to you. I'm not sure if you remember, but you called me because you couldn't somehow figure out to do some overly simple task on your computer that any illiterate monkey could have done. You have toll-free technical support with your computer. You even have Google. But no, nagging your oldest child seemed like the best option.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-33661562899775267422009-09-09T18:57:00.002-05:002009-09-09T18:58:25.988-05:00

I'm going back into therapy. Again.Maybe this time I make some progress.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-90399081428729107112009-08-31T21:18:00.003-05:002009-08-31T21:35:33.137-05:00

My mind has been everywhere todayCrazy thoughts dash in and outThoughts of hating you, hurting youAnd not much else.I'm forgetting how to empathizeI'm learning how to hate, how to spite,Wanting to hurt without remorse,And without regret.There's a wall around meHard stone, rock solid, impermeableIt separates me from my humanityAnd I don't care anymore.People like me, a person you shapedAre

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-89021558454695953072009-08-28T21:27:00.002-05:002009-08-28T21:40:01.563-05:00

You'll sit in a roomOld age is your doomYour mind slowly rotsLike others around you.History repeats, reap what you sowSurely now I presume that you knowYou'll be locked in a boxAnd I'll forget about you.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-58008565281315511082009-07-22T12:07:00.004-05:002009-07-22T12:41:13.010-05:00

Bed wetting: signs of a more serious psychological problemBed wetting: yet another thing you blamed on meBed wetting: you would blame me, then strip me nakedBed wetting: naked, you would kick meBed wetting: naked, you would beat meBed wetting: naked, you would pick me up by my long hair and throw me into furniture, walls, whatever would bruise me under clothingBed wetting: naked, you shove my

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-79926937253052746962009-07-16T16:10:00.003-05:002009-07-16T16:40:11.859-05:00

My nightly rest is often delayedHours late into the nightBy the noise, screams, cries for helpOf the young one in fright.I'm often tiredBecause I can't sleepI'm often sluggishBecause I can't sleepI dragBecause I can't sleepIt's not stress from work, friends, or marriageIt's my own personal traumaTrauma inflicted by you at your handsIt's now my nightly dramaI used to say I was up lateDoing

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-14970785668419212322009-07-09T14:10:00.002-05:002009-07-09T14:37:31.934-05:00

Unrelenting FearIs your means of controlBrutal AssaultYour favorite releaseOur Modest MistakesA preferred scapegoatAny Blunt ObjectYour weapon of choiceEqualsThe perfect formula for our degradationEspecially mineNothing is beyond you, beneath youAs long as it equals BetrayalBetrayal of the innate feelingsA parent should have for their childrenBut you soul is blackEmpty, crackedYou believe I

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-91742676200493471202009-07-06T09:41:00.002-05:002009-07-06T09:56:17.655-05:00

You are what you want the world to see,Outside the home or so you believeYou chatter and smile, But I can tell that it's forced.When the others are around,You pretend that you're proudHowever, I know There's other places you'd rather be.Your mom must be proud,They would say aloudI only agreeBecause you're standing right there.Two hours ago, you raged at meI was DenseAnd StupidAnd UglyAnd

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-27152827887206696682009-07-03T01:13:00.003-05:002009-07-03T01:16:16.957-05:00

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-81606434421314717662009-07-02T14:43:00.002-05:002009-07-02T14:48:00.608-05:00

I'm okay today,And yesterday too.I try to enjoyThese fleeting days.I don't see them much.I was creativeI was happy tooI played with the dogI worked on my artI get to relax.These days are too fewAnd too far apart,But I try and tryTo have more of themMore often than not.

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-64138600246839490512009-06-29T17:48:00.002-05:002009-06-29T19:17:30.698-05:00

Turn and look the other wayPretend it didn't happenYou know that wrong has been doneThere's a way to end it allIf someone would rock the boat"You know how she is" you sayYou know you can't feign surpriseYou know you should confront herBut family honor is More important than our lives?However if you rock the boatThere will be much hell to payOur absence is her revengeWhen you're gone, her mask

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-764608834294834950.post-67379168982175282922009-06-28T21:20:00.003-05:002009-06-28T22:09:14.171-05:00

I'm not like them and I don't know whyThe other kids don't like me and I don't know whyI'm good for teacher, in school I tryI'm nice and like the things they doLike pizza, recess, and movies, too.They call me stupid and I don't know whyThey won't play with me and I don't know whyCan't they see I'm a kid like them?I don't hit them, hurt them, or call them namesThey still don't let me join in

SeethingConsequencenoreply@blogger.com1