Result

My mind has been everywhere today

Crazy thoughts dash in and out

Thoughts of hating you, hurting you

And not much else.

I'm forgetting how to empathize

I'm learning how to hate, how to spite,

Wanting to hurt without remorse,

And without regret.

There's a wall around me

Hard stone, rock solid, impermeable

It separates me from my humanity

And I don't care anymore.

People like me, a person you shaped

Are society's worst nightmare

Helpless others pay for your crimes

And it no longer bothers me.

I am very nearly detached

From those I should love and befriend

I feel nothing like a human

And everything like a demon.

Something is taking over me

It's doing so quietly, undetectable

Only I know it's happening already

And it might be too late some day.

It's probably time to check my brain.

Harvest

You'll sit in a room

Old age is your doom

Your mind slowly rots

Like others around you.

History repeats, reap what you sow

Surely now I presume that you know

You'll be locked in a box

And I'll forget about you.

Things You Should Hope I Don't Remember

Bed wetting: signs of a more serious psychological problem

Bed wetting: yet another thing you blamed on me

Bed wetting: you would blame me, then strip me naked

Bed wetting: naked, you would kick me

Bed wetting: naked, you would beat me

Bed wetting: naked, you would pick me up by my long hair and throw me into furniture, walls, whatever would bruise me under clothing

Bed wetting: naked, you shove my face into the wet mattress

Bed wetting: naked, you made sure you nearly suffocated me in my own urine

So tell me.....do you have a urine fetish or is it just fun to sadistically and sexually humiliate your 7-year old daughter?

Excrement: it was the sign of an ongoing accident

Excrement: you refused to acknowledge that accidents happen

Excrement: the youngest one had an accident

Excrement: the accident turned out to be a problem

Excrement: the problem was there was a medical cause

Excrement: you terrorized him because he had a medical cause

Excrement: you stripped him naked

Excrement: naked, you yelled at him and threatened him

Excrement: naked, he cried in fear and terror

Excrement: naked, you wiped it on his face

Excrement: naked, you told him that he should wear it on his face

Excrement: naked, since he wears it in his pants

Excrement: only later did a doctor tell you that his stool was unusually large

So tell me....do you have an excrement fetish, too, or is it fun to sadistically and sexually terrorize your 7-year old son?

Insomnia

My nightly rest is often delayed
Hours late into the night
By the noise, screams, cries for help
Of the young one in fright.

I'm often tired
Because I can't sleep

I'm often sluggish
Because I can't sleep

I drag
Because I can't sleep

It's not stress from work, friends, or marriage
It's my own personal trauma
Trauma inflicted by you at your hands
It's now my nightly drama

I used to say I was up late
Doing homework, Painting, Watching TV
I had a long drive this morning
I've been busy

I'm not sure I want to say those things anymore.
It's made me an enable you
Cover up, hide, and keep your "image" in tact
By deflecting away from you, too

I'm tired of that game
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of the lingering shame
I think that being tired
Should soon be ending

The next time they ask why my eyes are so heavy
I think I might just tell them, be honest for once
Because right now, I'm so tired
That I'm ready to rest.

I would love to see the look on your face
When it's time to put you in your place.

Humiliation

Unrelenting Fear
Is your means of control

Brutal Assault
Your favorite release

Our Modest Mistakes
A preferred scapegoat

Any Blunt Object
Your weapon of choice

Equals

The perfect formula for our degradation

Especially mine

Nothing is beyond you, beneath you
As long as it equals Betrayal
Betrayal of the innate feelings
A parent should have for their children

But you soul is black
Empty, cracked

You believe I should pay
For the feelings that
You cannot shake today
Evil bitch.

You Wretched, Horrible
Vile, Deplorable,
Heinous, Revolting
Reprehensible, Whore.

You went beyond hitting
Beyond kicking and spitting

You went to a place
With a Contemptible face
Your actions toward us Debase
How can you stand
To look at your own face?

There are times
And places you went
That a mother, even you
Were never meant.
Though you swore on occasion
You pretended to repent
You went far, too far,
When you gave up your
Blunt object
In favor of excrement.

You turned on the young one
Late, late one night
Screaming, crying, laden with fright
Over something which he had no control
It's that very night,
I heard your true soul

As the torture waged on
That fateful night
I glanced across the room
In desparation

The phone outside my door
Ttoo frozen in fear to use

I will never forgive
The sickening things
You forced the young one to live

One day your day will come
You will be judged
You will be rejected
Your intentions
On your soul reflected

When it's time
They'll know your crime

And your name.